Wednesday, September 7, 2011

US OPEN: How the players wait out the rain...

With the weather raining on everyone’s parade it got me thinking what the players do to pass the time during those annoying rain delays. Here are a few educated guesses…

Serena Williams
The American diva is probably blasting her karaoke machine, rocking some Rihanna making herself feel like she’s “the only girl in the world”. Quite appropriate considering she’s the only one in her 'League of Extraordinary Tennis' at the moment.

Andrea Petkovic
Petkorazzi is most definitely choreographing an anti-rain dance possibly with the help of Novak Djokovic. Expect a viral video out on YouTube shortly!

Caroline Wozniacki
We have to admit Caro has been an attention seeker lately and the world No1 will probably wait out the rain plotting her next media stunt. Cute tweets to her beau Rory McIlroy, flirtatious ones to John Isner, and Rafa imitations in the press room just won’t cut it anymore. She knows she’s done all that and will probably go bigger this time. I wonder what she’ll do next? What’s weirder than posing for a kiss with Rory in front of an entire American football team? Carrying Mats Wilander’s baby perhaps?!

Rafael Nadal
I bet Rafa spends his rain delays taping and de-taping his fingers and knees. We all know the Spaniard has his rituals and no rain nor sunshine will stop him from going through his routine before stepping on the court, even though he doesn’t really know when that actually might happen. My advice for Rafa though would be to read his own autobiography instead of getting to it next month like he mentioned in the press the other day. It’s not a bad read, he can improve his English and maybe finally he’ll understand the difference between the words ‘ambition’ and ‘illusion’ in English!

Roger Federer
The Swiss is probably working on learning Japanese or something to add another language to the 10 he already knows. It’s either that or he’s changing diapers. Scratch that, he’s learning Japanese. There’s no way the elegant Federer gets near Myla/Charlene’s poop.

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga
The explosive Frenchman can probably be spotted practicing his dives as he waits out the rain. His diving has been looking quite impeccable lately that there’s no way they just come to him naturally on court. Someone get a camera down to that locker room and I guarantee Tsonga is lying flat on his belly in some corner.

Novak Djokovic
I hear Novak is planning to run for President in Serbia and that he’s plotting his campaign to re-establish Yugoslavia. He’s probably reading a Politics for Dummies book during the rain breaks while practicing his presidential wave and fake smile. Contrary to what Ana Ivanovic said the other day in the press room, Djokovic is believed to be in fact way more famous than the existing Serbian President.

Andy Murray
Sadly the Scot is way too predictable. I’ve got two words for him. Fantasy Football! I hear he’s been trying to trade every Arsenal player he has but nothing can fix that mistake Muzza.

Sam Stosur
Is it too obvious to imagine Sam conditioning her biceps while the rain pours outside? It’s either that or she’s preparing herself for another exceptionally long match by playing a ridiculously long game of Wii Tennis.

Janko Tipsarevic
The Serbian No3 is big on reading. I say he’s alternating between Descartes and How to Take Down Novak Djokovic. The latter has been printed in many languages including Spanish and German and free copies have been lying around the locker room all week.

Vera Zvonareva

The world No2 is probably staking out Robin Van Persie’s Twitter page to find an opening to drop him a line. That birthday tweet she sent him was a big hit and now she’s thinking of a way to take that relationship to the next level. Or was it Khalid Boulahrouz? I’m confused… how do these people know each other again?

6 comments:

Craig said...

Hahahahaha Mats Wilander's baby
Too funny

Anonymous said...

LOL
I was wondering same thing about vera & the footy guys

MW

Anonymous said...

hehehe how did u think of this?
very funny

dorris said...

thought of serena singing scares me tbh

Chris said...

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